through the stereoscope
pleasant ponderings from a land down under
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Good tidings, stranger!
Hey, you! Yeah, you over there! Yes, I am surely talking to you...can you hear me? Hello! Ok, now that I have your attention, long time no see. I must apologize for my insane lack of correspondence. I don't think we have last spoken since I was in the coal mining town of Collie and you all were just about to carve the turkey and celebrate T-giving day like you were real life pilgrims and indians. Oh, you've been racking your brain to know what I did for the special holiday? Well fret not, because I delighted and splurged on eating a microwave turkey roast television dinner complete with canned cranberry sauce, pre-made carrot cake and homemade iced tea whipped up in an old pickle jar I bought for $1.50 from an op-shop...pure bliss is what I am sure you're all imagining. So moving on from that festive picture...
Life in Oz (short for "Australia," sort of a local slang everyone uses here) has been eventful. Things with the ever exciting carnival have been trucking along and I am happy to announce that after my last post, I have finished with all that messy traveling work! Yes, I have done it...eight full weeks trekking from capital city Perth down to the seaside town of Albany (and in the process visiting all the nooks and crannies of Western Australia) and here I am again. Back, alive, much tanner and muscles bulging (well, not quite), but I am a better human because of the work I've done. Not much changed in the course of all that labour, besides the fact that I got the pleasure of working on several rides (including the much acclaimed Sizzler, which whips you around like a tea towel in the dryer, so much so you want to puke up anything clinging to the walls of your stomach and of course the sleepy bees, which raise up and down like the arms of a giant octopus). I also finished my run with the Big Balloon Bust (my go to game) and was moved around from the Shooting Gallery, to the Catch a Clown Fish game. All have the same relative recipe for disaster: child approaches, pays $6 and then attempts to either throw a dart, shoot an air gun or net a plastic fish (all of these aforementioned fish looked dead, however I usually recovered by saying the limp ones would be made into sushi later! This garnered few smiles and even more confused faces. We even had one adult male ask if the pump was a fish. The pump. I just looked at him and walked away). Getting back to business though, the outcome with these things is always the same, small prize! No, little boy/girl, you will never win that Smurfette or SpongeBob SquarePants you have been pining after since first setting eyes on it just 10-minutes earlier, you know when you first entered the overpriced fairgrounds and were bombarded with dagwood dogs (Oz's version of corn dogs) and warm cans of Coke. And no, mum/dad, you cannot have your $6 back just becaue your kid couldn't adequately pull the #9 fish (which there isn't one) or knock down an impossible 6 full stacks with the air gun (because you only have 8 corks to do it in). Yeah, if you want to whip out another $44 you can have that beady-eyed devil with the love heart attached to its chest for your Mrs. or I'll tell everyone that you actually won the oversized cow, but until you cough up the money or pull every last fish trying to find the #9....you are just going to remain forever and always shit out of luck. And no, I will not have you hold your sick child up to me and then lament the fact that little so-and-so just got out of the hospital and by having that massive Angry Bird, things will suddenly become all better and all of life's little conundrums will just disappear. You can't imagine the number of parents that tried to pawn their kids off like newborn dogs, just so they could get some stuffed teddy that cost, like, $2 to make in a remote village of China. Some nerve. So, after eight full weeks in all these small, pleasant towns, what did we really learn? I am the crusher of dreams. I destroy lives. I swoop down from the trees, take your money and then just as quickly as I set up this death trap, I run away with said money and go to wreak havoc on the innocent souls in another town. Needless to say, my job was pure bliss.
In all honesty though, my time spent with Sideshow Amusements was eye opening. I can now understand and speak the difficult language of tent building, know how to knock a peg out of the ground and not break my shin in the process and completely disassemble a ride that 1 hour earlier held the flailing limbs and screaming heads of those you hold most dearly. I am a carnie. I have been transformed into a full-fledged gypsy of sorts and yes, I can sneak into your caravan park to use your shower at 6 a.m., tip-toe through your backyard to make a shortcut from the main road and of course I will beg, borrow and steal my way to find a public bathroom that is more than just a metal commode sans the TP. I have gotten good at making $2 meals taste like they were $20, killing spiders bigger than my palm without so much as flinching and finding ways to amuse myself without such luxuries as a radio, TV, internet connection or any other form of human interaction. What this all means to you is nothing, but to me, every single day has been an invaluable experience that has added to this crazy thing we call life.
I count myself lucky to have been part of it all.
I befriended Asians, Estonians, Germans, Australians and the English, got a mohawk in the middle of the night with no lights to even see if the thing was straight and bought a $50 journal that I have yet to write in because I am so terrified to destroy the perfectly etched and gold-gilded pages. I can't get the dirt out of my work clothes, remain calm when a child cries from losing and must choose between either a wrestler wearing a singlet that says "Dude Love" or a small duck whose eyes have been glued on upside down and still yet, I remain even calmer when a parent gets in my face and calls me nothing more than just some "American cheater."
As I said before, I am a true carnie in every sense of the word. Watch out, because we will be coming to a town near you in 2012.
Enough of all that though. You want to know how I have been. What's the sticky? The dish? The heavy? Well, after finishing with my final gig, a Christmas pageant in Perth city where I chucked kids 8-years and under down a Giant Super Slide which was just a little too slippery and a bit, how shall I put this, dangerous (let's just say kids left pieces of skin behind) my English friends and I departed for Bali, Indonesia.
The trip, a huge culture shock, seeing as it was my first time in an Asian country, was amazing. I ate great food, saw temples, mingled with locals and made some really dear friends. I bartered for sarongs, drank $1 bottled beers and even took a cooking class in a village that I had to ride a bike to get to. I saw blessings of the sea, offerings to the Gods and a Barong and Kris dance that would have made any ancient devil blush. 12 days in paradise is what that was, but allow me not to wet your taste-buds, I will just show you some of the 1,000 photos I took once I return....until then.
So, we're caught up are we? It's now present day. Yes, I know I said the carnival work was all finished, but I have decided to stay on for a couple more runs. The next work, which begins December 28th, will have me stationed at Hillary's Boat Harbour in Perth. Set on the beach, I work from noon until about 10 p.m. four days a week. I look after rides and games and generally get paid to sunbathe. Not a bad deal, huh? Only downside is I am no longer living in the caravan and need to pay for accommodation. Booo! After this month of work, I will travel to Australia's East Coast and visit scenic Sydney and Melbourne for one month. After this time, I will return to Perth and again, live in the caravan for seven weeks and travel to different small towns in different parts of Western Australia. I know, I know. You're shaking your head and thinking "How can he sign on to do all of this again?" Well, I have thought long and hard and let's just say $600 a week and free accommodation in the caravan again is a fairly good deal. I need the money. They need a carnie. And after all this, we shall part ways.
Now,I had planned to save all that moeny and return to Europe for a brief stint, but after my taste of the Asian culture, I hope to take a month long trip in May to Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia and Fiji. Yes, I know again you must be thinking I am crazy. But what's life without a little adventure? As my famous aunt Christen would say, "Live life with gusto." And let's just say if I had any more gusto I could make a mean pasta dish and feed a small, third world country (Hey, maybe like Indonesia!).
So that's it. That's my story and now you know where I have been over the last month or so. Don't get sad or cry, because I will post again and hopefully it won't be such a long pause between this update and the next one (however, I find myself always promising this). Oh, and about Christmas! Fear not, I am celebrating with my two friends and their family, so I will not be alone. So just think, while you are shoveling snow and trying to find a winter coat that doesn't have dried snot on it, I will be wearing a santa hat on the beach.
BEAT THAT!
Alright all, love and goodnight. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and see you in wet and wonderful 2012! <3
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Collie is coal
I am writing you this note from scenic Collie, where the coalmines are deep and the history runs rampant. We set up camp here early Sunday morning (again, in the middle of a deserted showgrounds where you must trek a 10-minute walk to bathrooms or even running water) and since then, things have been rather pleasant. The town is quaint, and we have had four full days to ourselves. What’s here? Lots of nature, trails and generally a lazy demeanor that is great for relaxing. And yes, once again I was able to butter up the seniors!! This time I managed to get a free tour around town with the president of the Collie Historical Society, Jeanette. We talked for nearly two hours on Sunday and she offered her services that Monday, seeing as how she had the day off. The drive, though rainy, was great because she took us to many places we would have otherwise never seen. Sights included the Harris Dam, a popular local swimming hole, Anglican Church (where she scheduled a private tour and we even got to climb the winding spiral staircase and ring the church bells!) and old coal refineries. Her breadth of knowledge and amazing commentary on just about everything made the whole experience that much better, because every sidewalk, house or business had a story attached. If you couldn’t guess, Jeanette was born and raised in Collie, has never lived anywhere else and was only in a plane for the first time this year, at the tender age of just 72-years. She was certainly a peach.
Now, other than this sporadic venture, I have found myself just meandering through the small streets, interacting with the many friendly locals I find everywhere. And this is what I’ve discovered: never before have so many people been fascinated by my American accent…it just seems everyone lights up when I talk and is so curious to know everything about everywhere I have been or am going. It is kind of nice because I often get things for free or a discounted price! For once, being American is paying off! What else? Oh! I went on a mining tour, since Collie is known for its mines stretching back to the 1850s. We descended into a replica structure that was very ‘coal’ (har har, pun intended!) and got to see first hand how people began this industry. As I have mentioned earlier, mining in Australia is HUGE and really a money making venture. I even met an American guy from Ohio in Collie who moved here for the mines. Crazy! So nice to hear him speak though, because I can safely say I am missing our lingo, mannerisms and unique way of expressing our crazy selves! Needless to say I have learned a ton from this visit and quite frankly it’s nice to have been a tourist for once in Australia, instead of just a bloody carnie.
Work on setting everything up starts tomorrow, which will be interesting because it’s so damn hot and yes, I am already sun burnt. Another fun thing, this city has a Target Country. Yes, a Target Country. I was so confused on what the ‘country’ part meant BUT I did find shorts for only $4.86! Yes, I know what you are all thinking…Nick wins!
Ok, so a brief explanation of the previous weeks should be in order too: since I last wrote (remember, from Brunswick, where I hitchhiked?), we were in Cannington, which is a posh little suburb of Perth. It was a great show and had the nicest bathrooms of any showgrounds yet. Yes, I have started judging my experiences in each new city based on the softness of the bathroom’s toilet paper. This place was a cool 10 out of 10 no doubt. They also had the biggest shopping mall in the whole state of Western Australia right next to where we stayed. I went in at 10 a.m. and didn’t emerge until around 6 p.m. with squinting eyes. I still don’t even know how I found my way out or what I even saw because there were so many people, shops and food stalls. Definitely an experience…and I spent a bit too much money, because the style here is crazy (I am referencing all the good stuff here, but there is definitely a lot of bad)! Please, allow me to try and paint picture: all men have mullets or some sort of curly rat-tail they are working with. To complete this look, they all wear board shorts, singlets (or tank tops) and a beat up pair of Vans. Every. Single. Male. Looks like this here. No joke. And the girls apparently are from the same family with high-waisted, cutoff shorts, silky tops that have odd cutouts in random spots (which make for some very interesting tan lines) and knockoff sunglasses and purses from Bali.
Oh, speaking of Bali (you know, the island in Indonesia, which is part of a massive chain of islands below Asia?), yeah well I booked a ticket there for December 5th! Yes, 10 full days riding perched atop the local elephants, sampling cooked insects and generally lingering with the Balinese, some of whom are professional Lady Boys (or Benchongs or Pooftas as they call them in Australia). Yes, apparently lots of Balinese men like dressing up like women, the likes of which then try to steal your money, hide drugs in your bags or kill you. I will ALWAYS watch my back here.
Back to the story though: following Canngington, we were off to Albany, the second largest city in Western Australia next to Perth. It took nearly six hours to drive there (and I saw FOUR dead kangaroos along the way) but at least this city had a serious lack of those pesky flies! But what they lacked in small buzzing creatures they made up for in low flying seagulls. Several of our workers even got pooped on during the course of the show! Albany, a great town with tons of charm, was made up of one steep street dropping off into the harbor. There were also loads of friendly people mingling about. The weather, though, was a different story. We were warned it was going to be cool and rainy the farther south we went, but Albany’s climate was literally insane. You had all four seasons in one day. When we arrived, it was a blustery 45 degrees maybe? Now, I brought no jumpers, coats or pants on this trip because I was TOLD Australia was going to be HOT. Wrong. Very, very wrong. That being said, I bought a sweater and a coat and stuck it all out. The week before we arrived, there had been a bad flood too; so many stores were closed for renovations. During our brief stint, I saw massive hail, torrential downpours, wind in excess of 60 mph and insanely black clouds. Thankfully, the show saw sunny days and mild temperatures, so no complaints here.
Albany is also home to the amazing Gap and Blowholes, which is a natural wonder where Antarctica and Australia were once connected some six billion of years ago. Today there exists steep cliffs, dramatic seascapes and crazy winds. My boss told me for that reason this spot remains a popular place to commit suicide for locals. Thanks for the tip, John. He was nice enough to drive us to the locations though, which were breathtaking. The only major sight I missed was the wind farm, but apparently they are everywhere in Australia, so another city and another time. I also finally opened an Australian bank account in Albany, so I am no longer carrying in excess of $2,000 in cash on my body. Yeah, that was getting old.
As for the Albany Show, it was the worst experience of my life. Up until that point, I had been working at the dart game in each show, but here I was moved to guns (the point being a person tries to use an air rifle that hurtles a cork towards nine tin cans, the objective obviously to knock the whole stack over). Simple right? No, because you have to knock the entire stack over for a single, small prize and the amount of kids who had one or two cans remaining after a valiant effort far outnumbered the winning ones. Their usual response? Shrugged shoulders and a downturned smile. Their parents’ response? A spiel about how horrible of a person I am. How could I not let little Jenny or Bobby get that stupid stuffed polar bear they so desperately wanted…some cheap piece of crap they would probably end up giving to the dog anyways? The words cheat, scam, rigged, asshole and rip off were thrown at me all day long, for two days straight. Sometimes I think these carnivals are more for the adults than the kids. I even had a grown father and 14-year-old son try to fight me because they said (and I quote) I was “a cheap-ass American carnie.” Seriously, they hated me because I was from America and wanted to fight me! Speaking of fights, I saw two massive ones right in front of my stall. The one was between six different aboriginal men and more kept getting involved. Of course, everyone rushed over and all these kids were getting trampled. I felt sick and started screaming at everyone to clear a path for the kids. I got so angry I even started pushing spectators away, because these Mums with strollers couldn’t get through and were being smashed into the walls. The other fight, just 20-minutes earlier, was massive and the men were arrested. Plus, everyone at the Albany show was either drunk or on drugs…It was so bad I was even harassed all day Saturday by a group of aboriginal children, who hurled F-bombs at me like it was their job. John said to just brush it off, as you are a true Australian if the aboriginals hate you. Let me tell you personally, they hated me. They even tried stealing spare corks that had ricocheted out of my game and then came to try and play. I got shot with paintballs too. I couldn’t control them and almost got security to remedy the situation. Needless to say, I hated the Albany Show.
Want to know how I knew it was going to be shitty? The toilet paper sucked.
Ok, so the aforementioned jumble of words should catch you all up a bit! Lots of stories and pictures to share for when I return, but for now, this little post should suffice. Again, sorry for my sporadic lapses in writing, but next week I can guarantee there will be a post, as we are heading back towards Perth (and civilization!). Only two more shows after this weekend’s and then, Bali! Keep me in your thoughts during these hot days as my skin fries up like a skillet full of greasy bacon.
Love to ya all!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
outback steakhouse
Friends, family and fellow bloggernauts, fear not because I am still alive. It has been an eventful two weeks since I have last checked in and boy do I have some stories to tell you. If you’ve been following along since the very beginning, then you know I have since joined the carnival for a seven-week stint with a company called Sideshow Amusements. I worked for a week with them at the Perth Royal Show and now have taken to living in a caravan for free and trekking through small town Western Australia to put on spectacular spectacles for eager young country bumpkins. Let me paint a quick picture of my first two weeks with this insane group of sideshow freaks.
But through it all I have been having an absolute blast. Like in Waroona for example, after we were finished with our tasks, we have free time, meaning we can do whatever we want.So, in typical fashion, I find things to do in a town that lacks any notion of the word fun. Like when Bridie, Libby and I walked an hour to the Weir (giant lake in Waroona) and took to the beach and rolling hills.Or when we hitch hiked in the small town of Brunswick to the neighboring city of Bunbury with this nice lady named Amanda who owns a shop full of cow related merchandise. She picked us up in her Mercedes, showed us the town and then picked us up later in the day as well! Her husband, Mike, works in the mines and her three sons (David, Ben and Chris) fancy us so much, they plan to take us out this weekend. Amanda even took us to her house for dinner and we watched as her cousin hosted a Tupperware party. After that, we had morning tea with her 83-year-old mother, Faye at the store as she crocheted a scarf. Other antics include hopping to thrift and antique stores in every town we visit, decorating the caravan for Halloween, only cooking on a barbecue or in a microwave and generally finding ways to do laundry or shower since most places we seem to find ourselves in lack public bathrooms. So in an effort to keep clean, I actually snuck into a caravan park down the road and used their private showers today and yesterday, risking trespassing in the name of shampooed hair. It was truly an experience.
Other than all these little tidbits, not much else has transpired. I am enjoying the pay of $600 a week, which comes after we tear the whole carnival down on Saturday night (yes, we work 14 hours straight on a Saturday: in our games from around 8:30 a.m. until 9 p.m. and then ripping absolutely everything down for another four hours following). I have more bruises, blisters, scrapes and cuts than I ever thought I could get, but boy am I having a time here. I am seeing so many beautiful pieces of Australia I would have never seen otherwise, including these small cities with so much charm and so many nice people. I mean, come on, I am the only American I have met thus far while here (aside from a Cincinnati man who runs a store called Taffy in the city of Bunbury…but he doesn’t even count because he’s been here for nearly 30 years) so of course they love me. And don’t worry; I have not forgotten about any of you back home, it is just incredibly hard to find stable Internet anywhere in Australia, especially since they seem to be light-years behind us in how to properly govern a functioning town. But that’s beside the point.
Now I know you are all craving more, but I can only use the wireless in this community center for a brief hour, so must sign off for now. But keep checking back, as more things are to come in the near future.
And you can be sure I am taking loads of pictures for all of you to see, if I could now just find a damn kangaroo crossing sign! Ok, I must go and try to find a way to fix our leaking ceiling (it rained last night and yes, all the seams in that piece of shit we call a home began springing cracks at around 6 a.m. this morning after a torrential downpour) and play Frisbee with these three Estonians that also came along for this effed up ride. Sometimes I truly wonder what I have gotten myself into.
AND THE QUEEN IS HERE. Tis all.
Alright, love to you from the down under! Stay in touch mates.